X-My Poetry & Lyrics-X

Warning: Don't Forget I am Crazy!

Petals Are For Losers

There, I've picked the last petal
Throw the naked branch over my shoulder onto the pile
Look around me,
Surrounded by fallen petals
My question unanswered

I did it once for a joke,
It gave me the reply I was secretly wishing for
I did it again for luck,
Then regretted it.

Screaming inside in fustration
I stand up and walk away
My feet crushing the little brats
All the while trying to choose the answers circling my head
He loves me, he loves me not...

When I stop Loving You Written for Teh Jon

I'll stop loving you when
Diamonds never sparkle
And flowers cease to grow
When thunder doesn't echo
And rivers do not flow
When hearts no longer wonder
And hands are never held
When smiles are only memories
And hope is never felt
When trees no long blossom
And the stars refuse to shine
When autumn has no falling leaves
And winter no longer dies
When time has no more tomorrows
And rainbows have no hue
When God alone commands me
Then I'll stop loving you

Free

Today i'm free
Of every barrier and every cage
I wrote the book
Revised each page
The book of my life
And how it passed away
And how my happiness
Had so much delay
Today i'm proud
I have no regrets
I have no doubt
Of winning my bets

With all the achievments
And all the pain
I'm free to live
To love again
To leave the cage
And never return

Feeling the happiness
Feeling the pride
I don't want to run
I don't need to hide
I don't have to get
Through another fight
I'll stick to my freedom
And hold it so tight
Before i was wrong
But now i'm so right

Remote Control Me

Remote control girlfriend, batteries supplied,
Features a mute, your ready made bride,
Scars a malfunction, that we can refine,
Your plastic made fantasy,
Sign on the line
……………………………..
You bought the cheap model, my friend I won’t lie,
But it’s value for money, though some may deny,
You’re getting a mistress and slave, in this deal
But she happens to love you,
That’s right she can feel,
But what is emotion when she is controlled,
Her life is a button, her soul is on hold,
She’s only this package, for you and your heart,
She fell into love with you right from the start,
She gave us her spirit, and clingfilmed her mind,
Please tell us if viruses are left behind,
But if you’re not satisfied, with Maiden 01
We’ll send you the upgrade,
Good luck mate, have fun,

Undeserving Because I dont deserve you but I love you jon.

I had been hurt so many times
I felt unworthy of anything I had
I was mixed up, mangled
The unhappiness turned my heart sad

I hid myself from the world
away from any source of light
to live forever
in the still dark night

Then I met you
and I didn't understand
I was so undeserving
of such a man

I decided to not let you hurt me
so I pushed you away
but the more I pushed
the more you stayed

This was confusing
how could this be
I'm not supposed to be happy
noone's supposed to love me

But even when
I was a person I no longer knew
I was sure of one thing
I was in love with you

So I opened the door
and let you enter my heart
which was fragile and broken
torn all apart

You mended it with kindness
and put a smile upon my face
the void in my heart
you quickly replaced

And I still don't think I deserve you
but I just don't see
Why you said
you didn't deserve me

All You Want

If i could be all that i wanted i would,
but i don't know where to start,
If i could be all you wanted you know i would,
Cos who i am would come from my heart.
if i could be all that my parents wanted,
i might give that a try,
If i could be all that my friends needed,
would i have to cry?
The problem is i can only be who i really am,
it's not much but it's me,
i wish i could be what you all wanted i do,
but me is all i can be!

Dust Me Down

When it all gets too much,
Pick me up off the floor,
Dust me down,
So I can be ready for more.
Wipe my eyes,
So I can notice anew,
How beautifully God made the skies,
And how God made you.
And when I’m low,
Instead of sad frowns,
Paint me a cheerful smile,
Just like a clown’s.
Dance with me in the street,
When the rain falls outside,
Let me know the world is beautiful,
When viewed from your eyes.
If my face becomes dirty,
And others don’t want to know,
Bathe me in love,
So the light in me shows.
And whenever I’d fall,
Catch me in your arms,
Let me know that you love me,
And keep me safe from harm

Written For Teh Jon: What happens when a star dies?

What Happens when a star dies?

What happens to a star
when it no longer flies
does it plunge to the earth
and smother and die

Does God unscrew the star
when the going gets tough
and the little star
has had enough

Does the star just burn out
without a trace
and an angel comes along
and put another in its place

What really happens
when a star can no long gleam
does it drift off
into a fantastical dream

I think I know
what happens when a star dies
god takes it and places it
in your eyes

The Past

A million words circle inside my brain,
but none i can put together,
I just watch as you walk away again,
Will this happen forever?
When you got to the door you asked,
is there anything i have to say?
I just stand there staring as you walks,
just thinking of yesterday.
I hear the door shut behind you,
as i walk to the window i cry,
without you they's no point to live,
i start to want to need to die.
I pick up the phone and call you,
please i say please i need you,
you hang up and i fall to the ground,
I guess i needed you too.
I scream out that i love you,
I scream out that i do care,
i hear the front door open up,
once again you're there.
You stand at my door way with that look,
as i sit on the floor and cry,
you look at me and say you love me too,
and i remember why i didnt die.
You sit down next to me on the floor,
you take my hands away from my face,
you lend in and kiss my lips wet from tears,
My heart starts to race.
I whisper to you that i love you,
you smile and say you love me too,
i start to cry even harder the before,
I cant believe how much i need you.

The Silence Following Heartbreak

silence glowering and growing thicker
romance, passion...not a flicker
dark as night
cold as day
suddenly our flame has died away
our ties lie rotting in dismal decay
amid the laughter that used to fill our days
my heart is writhing and screaming in sorrow
praying and hoping...maybe tomorrow
but alas the hopes perish and drop like flies
as you turn and hide you smile and eyes
but what to do
nothing is all you give me
the more i want you
i know you still want me
i see it in the fleeting glances
looks of longing romances
fluttering skipping my heart seems to be
whenever you're near all i can see
are the memories of shortlived courtship thrown astray
what may be i ponder by way

rag doll

Thrown around by life again
I've been destroyed
My seams have popped
I really am just crazy
I'm torn apart
My heart's been ripped out
Battered by the storms of life
And I came out losing
My stuffing has gone everywhere
It's too far spread to put together
And I'm empty inside
You can't put me back together
Unless you start from scratch
And then it won't be me
It's too late already
It always has been
My life's a mess
And just like an abandoned toy
I sit here waiting for someone
To come by and notice me
I dream that he'll come back
But then I look at myself
And I know he'll never come
Who would want such a mess?
I fell too far and hit the ground
And now there are pieces of me everywhere
Here I am- a tattered and broken rag doll

Halo

Hand me back my halo
Repair each broken wing
Redeem the graceful words
This angle longs to sing.

Un-cry the tears I've cried
Brighten my sky from grey
Put some hope beneath my wings
And I'll gladly fly away

Unstitch the smile I've sown
Make a face pure perfection
A gentle mind and thoughts
With joy in each reflection.

No burning crimsom tides
No craving for the knife
No voices cursing silently
'A pathetic, worthless life'.

Reason my existence
A reason just for me
I'm searching with blind eyes
That's why i can't see.

The light too far to reach
Temptation far too strong
This angels falling slowly
But I know I'm often wrong.

So regenerate my faith
Put sight behind each eye
Mend this broken angle
And gracefully, I'll fly

Love's Springtide

My heart was winter-bound until
I heard you sing;
O voice of Love, hush not, but fill
My life with Spring!

My hopes were homeless things before
I saw your eyes;
O smile of Love, close not the door
To paradise!

My dreams were bitter once, and then
I found them bliss;
O lips of Love, give me again
Your rose to kiss!

Springtide of Love! The secret sweet
Is ours alone;
O heart of Love, at last you beat
Against my own!

_________________________________________________

I've boarded up the windows to keep the morning from intrusion
I've left it on the doorknob, could you please just not disturb
On days like this we find it so hard to push ourselves up and out of bed
When nothing falls in favor of
I have so many things I would like to explain to you
But I don't know just how to communicate
I can't take this body shaking
Dress and we'll begin
Nights can be so violent when beds become vacant
So now I've blown it once again,
this would have been the last offense and
You should have been here months ago with open arms and honest face
Addres full doubt you've ever felt frustration well I'm choking on it now
And it's the hardest thing for me to shake
Is it because of this vacancy that you swear never to believe?
Honestly honest me, with a look that's so deceiving
I'll bite, chew, swallow, and digest the hands that feed me
With a bayonet for a tongue,
Swallow swords inadvertently,
And to the organ flame I'll maintain a close adjacency
I have so many themes; I would love to explain to you
Farewell to all the days you were, within my reach,
and as of right now everything is making perfect sense.

_______________________________________________

If Ever You Return

If ever you return
I will treasure each moment
With you...
each smile,
each tear,
each glance, and
each word.

I shall cherish your
Every waking hour
To store each memory
To the very detail,
To hold dear to my heart
If ever you return.

For without you is
Misery to not remember
Your laughter
And mine --
Only recalling the
Bitter parting.

If ever you return
I shall paint the very picture,
Write the very book
To capture you eternally
If you ever you leave again.

____________________________________________________

This Poor America

Idle child,
Dirty mind.
Our nation.
One nation, under god.
Our laws protect the guilty.
Good intentions
Were not good enough
When it came to
Raising this child.
The freedoms we've
Allowed ourselves
Amount to freedoms
To piss on each other.
Disrespect and disillusion.
Times have changed in the
Last fifty years -
The old blood of old worlds
Has been "sanitized" with
American blood - tainted
With violence, disloyalty,
Disregard and contempt
Or hard working immigrants.
Our society mocks them -
We have become spoiled bastards.
It sickens me to think that
With this beautiful freedom,
We do not take responsibility.
Land of the free,
Home of the slave
To ignorance and sloth.

______________________________________________________

The Forgotten One

She aches,
As we all do sometimes.

Simple, sad, lonely.

Her clothes are worn in obvious places,
Her heart is torn with obvious traces.

Alone and aimless,
She drifts down a crowded street
Like a phantom amidst the crowd.
People oblivious to the essence of her,
Only aware of her tattered shell,
She is denied eye-contact
And human emotion.

Broken and failing to
Gather the shards of
Herself.

She is alone and wanders
Like a dry leaf that has
Fallen from the
Tree Of The Living.

___________________________________________

THIS HALLOWED EARTH

This hallowed earth
Has wrought memories
And conjures voices
Of long ago
Mornings with you

This hallowed earth
Is anointed with
Tears and sighs,
Flowers die
While mourning
For you.

_______________________________________________

The acrid air of loneliness
Surrounds me like a black shroud
Upon my headstone is written
"WITH SOLITUDE LIES CONFORT"
But there is no comfort here

To be alone, in a world
Of millions is a tragedy
Wandering aimlessly
For a faint light of hope
To lead you forth
In the abysmal future
Its bane is suffocating

What shall I want but
To lie down, tired and cold
Deep in the earth,
Feel my bones solidify
Into calcified rock,
Become one with
The cosmos, feeling
The weight of earth
Upon my chest
As my heart lighte

_______________________________________________

I NEVER SAW IT COMING

I never saw it coming;
When the insults flew
And words were said in spite,
When push came to shove
And it all echoed through the night,
I never saw it coming.

I tore your shirt and
Begged you not to leave,
I wanted to finish it then
Leave you with no reprieve,
And I never saw it coming.

For all the hatred between
The two of us through our years,
Through all the heartbreak,
Breakups, fights and tears,
I never saw it coming.

Yet even when the barrel
Was staring me in the face,
I mocked your intentions,
And fed your disgrace,
I never saw it coming

___________________________________________________

CONCRETE AND URINE

The long day
Draws to a close
Like the ice house
At 2:00 a.m.

Straggling figures
Shuffle the streets
In ritualistic chaos.
Slaves of different shades.

The dank urine smell
That is neither
Washed by rain or flood
Solidifies the aura.

_________________________________________

I should release
This cancerous rage,
Unburden my hear
And spew forth the
Contempt I feel inside.

I should shatter worlds
And split heavens
Like so much filth
Underfoot.

I should crawl inside
Myself, swallow myself
And hide in shame
For all the loathing
That embitters my
Tongue.

I should do all these
Things and cleanse
The grit and impurity
That has long
Enveloped my soul.
As my heart lightens
At last.

____________________________________________--

I know that I should try to find somebody new..
But all I find is myself always thinking of you..
You dont even know it.. And why should you care?
Your happy just pretending that Im not even there..
Forever means nothing if I dont spend it with you..
But theres just nothing more I think I can do..
I try to tell you I love you but you just dont stop to listen..
Then I guess youll never know that Im the one your missin..
Give me just one minute and look into my eyes..
Forget your friends.. Forget the world.. Forget the pain and lies..
Forget about what people say and what other people might see..
All I want you to think about now is what you think of me..
Cause nothing really matters except for the people you love..
And it kills me inside not knowing what you think when your all Im thinking of..
Maybe I am wrong and you really just dont care..
But why sometimes do you act so sweet if no feelings are accually there..
All I want is for you to tell me exactly how u feel..
Id rather be hurt than keep believeing what you say is real..
Wether you tell me you love me or not this will still be true..
Nothing in this whole damn world could keep me from loving you..

____________________________________________________

If you feel the breeze
Underneath your naked skin
Then it was my touch

When you hear a sound
A silent whisper you sense
It would be my call

Things will always change
But forever in your eyes
I will stay unseen.

__________________________________________

Death Becomes You

I love your skin oh so white
I love your touch cold as ice
And I love every single tear you cry
I just love the way you're losing your life

**************************************

Ohohohohoh my Baby, how beautiful you are
Ohohohohoh my Darling, completely torn apart
You're gone with the sin my Baby and beautiful you are
You're gone with the sin my Darling

I adore the dispair in your eyes
I worship your lips once red as wine
I crave for your scent sending shivers down my spine
I just love the way you're running out of life

Let me wake up in your arms
Hear you say it's not alright
Let me be self dead and gone
So far away from life
Close my eyes
Hold me tight
And bury me deep inside your heart

All I ever wanted was you, my love
You...all I ever wanted is you, my love
Your're all I ever wanted, just you

Let me never see the sun
And never see your smile
Let us be so dead and so gone
So far away from life
Just close my eyes
Hold me tight
And bury me deep inside your heart

*************************************

Just one look into your eyes
One look and I'm crying
'Cause you're so beautiful

Just one kiss and I'm alive
One kiss and I'm ready to die
'Cause you're so beautiful

Just one touch and I'm on fire
One touch and I'm crying
'Cause you're so beautiful

Just one smile and I'm wild
One smile and I'm ready to die
'Cause you're so beautiful

Oh and you're so beautiful
My darling
Oh you're so beautiful
You're so beautiful
Oh my baby
You're so beautiful
And you're so beautiful
Oh my darling
Oh my baby
And you're so beautiful

*************************************

In love and lonely
In love and lonely

I'm not with you my baby
Just to see you cry
I'm in love with you
Not the tears in your eyes

I can't remember
The last time you smiled
Oh I know how it feels
I know what it's like

To be
In love and lonely
In love and lonely

Don't what to do my baby
It's not alright
This can't be the end
The time to say good bye

No I won't walk away that easy
After all this time
Oh you know how it feels
You know what it's like

To be
In love and lonely
In love and lonely

Oh you know how it feels
You know what it's like
You know how it is
But you just can't stop crying

In love and lonely
In love and lonely

************************************

On my heart I'll bear the shame
No prayer can ease the pain
No one will love you
No one will love you the way I do
No one will love you
Love you like I do

And there's no escape
Just countless mistakes
No one will love you
No one will love you the way I do
No one will love you
Love you like I do

It will never be the same
Witness trust fade away
No one will love you
No one will love you the way I do
No one will love you
Love you like I do

No one will love you
No one will love you the way I do
No one will love you
Love you like I do

Love you like I do
Love you like I do
Love you like I do
Love you like I do
_________________________________________________________________

Morning Mourning

I came for you again today
Led my self blindly
Knowing you wouldn't be there
You left this scar upon me

My skin cringes at the thought of you
The way you left me alone without a warning
I lay asleep where we used to meet waiting for the morning dew
To touch my face and join me in this place of mourning

....To Be Continued....
___________________________________________________

The roses you gave me are dying on my shelf
Wilted and broken not unlike myself

Notes over-flowing out of a heart shapped box
Saying you'll still love me when all hope is lost

Tears stream down a porcelin cheek
There everything you said to me seems so cheap

What happened to
I'll always love you
What happened to
I'll never leave you
I wish I could make it go away
But the feelings seem to stay
Killing me harshly
I wish I could erase me

Our anniversaries marked on my calender
Indicating us forever

I still can't accept the fact we're over
I guess I'll continue to cover
up infront of you
___________________________________________--

You make me sick the way your eyes are so beautiful
The way they fucking gleam when the light hits them so

Those lips, those lips more perfect than angels
The work of God is sometimes stunning

I wish you knew how much you fucking meant to me
More than you could ever imagine

It's too soon for me to love you tho I'm not to far away
Don't let it frighten you, my emotions are flawed...sometimes scarry

I talked to you today, saying so much of nothing
It was a perfect moment, I could have stayed there forever

Let me tell you one more thing your beautiful
Your amazing,flawless,inchanting,unbelievably nothing...I ...deserve...
___________________________________________________________________________

+ .LET.THE.DELLIRIUM.BEGIN. +